Did I even do Yoga today?

Get your Lulu Lemon, get your yoga studio and your camera. yoga every day, yoga every damn day...
With the strap, on a block, with the mat, yoga paws...Do 1 pose, your favorite pose, all day...
inside, outside, change your pants, change your shirt..
sports bra, naked yoga, underwater...booty shorts
hair up, make up, hair down, down dog,
instagram, facebook, twitter, yoga blog
follow Keno, google yogis, yoga every damn day.
If a tree pose falls in the studio and no one posts it on Instagram did you even do yoga today?
If you do 12 arm balances in the park but no one is there
did you even do yoga if nobody cares?
Crow pose, 8 angle, pincha myurasana, Virabhadrasana, 1, 2, 3
sirsasana, navasana, natarajasana, kapotasana, tree
Yogagram, elephant journal, yoga challenge, #yogaselfie...
SUP yoga, beach yoga, bikram yoga, hot yoga, yoga for free

in my bedroom, torn pajamas.
No music... no cameras...
surya namaskar a...
Did I even do yoga today?

Teaching and Failing

So, I have been a really bad yoga journaler but I plan to do a lot of catching up and getting back into the swing of it.. Just a little update about my life and why things have spiraled completely out of control since my last post...

I got a little carried away with the whole yoga challenge thing and realized I was spending way to much time in front of my cell phone camera trying to capture the perfect picture and not being very yogic about it... So i took some time off from the "super star" poses and really have just been doing sun salutations and some simpler poses and focusing on my alignment and breath... Yes, dancer looks pretty but when you spend an hour practicing it, then failing to get your "perfect picture" it fucking sucks... its discouraging and I was really building negativity in front of my camera. So as meaningful as it is to do 15 Sun A's its not really something I felt like writing about...

Also, Tyler and I got engaged last month... which is fantastic but also carries a lot of stress. Now, if this wedding was solely for the two of us and everyone was as amazing as my mom about everything there wouldn't be an ounce of stress associated with it and not that this has ANYTHING to do with my yoga practice... my focus shifted slightly from "yoga is my life" to "i have to plan this wedding..." Needless to say we are way ahead of the game and it'll be smooth sailing as soon as we find a DJ and an officiant... it takes up a lot of my time. There was a week where I can honestly say I didn't make it to class at the studio out of pure exhaustion from working and wedding planning, gardening and just life in general... I feel like a bad yogi but at the same time, Yoga shouldn't be the cause of any kind of stress if your life and no yoga master would be rolling over in his grave if I didn't make it to class for a week. Its disappointing because I enjoy going to class but if it means I can't sleep for 24 hours I think its a wise decisions...

Had another teacher training immersion this weekend which is always great but I always find something negative to take away with it too.. I am in no shape to begin teaching classes. I get hung up on my words and quite frankly have no idea what I am doing. Granted I didn't have a plan for my sequence... my plan was to "wing it" lets just say the Taradactyl's wings are clipped, or broken... or I'm just a little baby Taradactyl and I don't know how to fly yet... Either way, I did not impress myself or anyone else. Granted, I could teach any pose, and give cues its tying them all together that was literally a WTF moment.

I just think about how passionately and eloquently I can speak sometimes and I wonder why that doesn't come out while I'm trying to teach yoga... there is some disconnect in my mind where my actions won't speak to my brain... I hope it comes with time because I really want to be a yoga teacher. I really really do. But at this point I wouldn't teach a free class to the homeless people dahn tahn.

I did like Yin yoga though... and I'd love to learn more about it because it really seemed to do a great deal for me and others seemed to like it also. Maybe that can be my claim to fame... quite / long / meditation poses. Yoga for Yinz - Yin Yoga. Open a studio / art gallery... pretty sure people would love it. I really felt a strong connection to Yin yoga... and I think a lot of other people would too! But then again, I thought I'd be famous by now for making bracelets and I can't even get the studio to cut me my damn check. Regardless... I like Yin Yoga....

I have a lot more practicing to do and a lot more to learn, a lot of bracelets to make, a lot of wedding to plan... a lot of hours scheduled in the chem lab. I need to slow down my pace of life...Yin might help me do that... Off to find a Yin yoga class because why not?

Grumpy Tara - the "vegetarian" crabby patty

Not sure what my problem is this evening but I feel awful. I am grumpy and irritable and quite frankly I feel like I suck and everyone hates me. Crappy crap shit fuck. I am grumpy. It is really stupid but I keep losing instagram followers and that upsets me because I am trying to share my love of yoga with the world and nobody gives a shit! Or maybe they don't want to follow me because I suck.. or I'm ugly or I am fat or I don't know but its a horrible feeling. I have all of the good mantras floating around in my being and I just cannot find balance in my head right now. I feel very alone in my journey... and I feel like I should have a flock of little yoga followers by now, and I don't. I know that none of this matters but these thoughts, they cross my mind that it drives me CRAZIER to know that I have these thoughts than the thought of the actual thought. Now how does that make any sense at all? My yoga practice has been lacking lately... not lacking in that I haven't been practicing, because I have been... everyday all day but I haven't had any crazy breakthroughs, anything impressive, nothing, nada, in a few weeks. I am not impressing myself at all... I wonder if Jesus had these thoughts when he was preaching gospels all over... "no one likes me, I haven't made a difference..." or do you think that he just knew, one day, he would make a difference? I mean, yeah he probably did, he was fricking Jesus. Obviously I know these thoughts are not very "yogi" of me, and if Patanjali knew that I had just finished reading the yoga sutras and here I am bloggin about my selfish want for instagram followers he would surely be disappointed, as am I, disappointed. One thing that I did accomplish was that I finished two of the three assigned readings for my yoga teacher tranining... Jivamukti and Yoga Sutras and now I am reading the Key Muscles of Yoga and I have a few books on deck as well that were suggested readings in the first two books I read... So, I guess that is something I should focus on. I put in 60 hours last week and with the money that I made I decided that I am finally going to get my creativity going on the etsy store... as I have said for the last decade. So, "The Taradactyl's Nest" is nearly open for business... Business cards are being made, beads have been ordered... definitely going to get started on some things this weekend. Yoga headbands, fabric flowers, jars, jewelry holders... I guess this isn't really yoga related, but it is life related and yoga is life... I like working here, but when I do get my certification it is going to be hard to even teach a class with these hours... I will never have the same day off every week, unless I can work something out with my boss. I don't even really want to think about that yet.. It will be at least July before I get certified and I doubt I will feel ready to teach by then... I can't even handstand! *sigh* I know I am doing the right thing, I know this is the path for me but I need a nap, I am tired and I am... a (vegetarian) crabby patty.

Art of Chandrasana

Lately in class we've been practicing ardha chandrasana a lot.. It looks so simple... but boy is it hard. As soon as you think you have your balance, there it goes. Also, it seems easier to do this pose in an empty room alone... I can do it, right now, no block not even a wobble but get me into the studio and I look like a fish out of water. Why is that? I haven't the slightest clue. If a tree falls in the forest...

Taradactyl in Paradise

So this was supposed to be a post of my bird of paradise pose however, it isn't uploading! I can't wait to go to class tomorrow... I just want to be in a room full of people with the same goal as mine... Its so comforting and I can feel their energy. Yesterday I practiced my pincha myurasana, also a bit today here at work, and definitely felt a difference using the tips that Lynn and Ashlee had given me which is fantastic. I also did some triangle and bounnd triangle for standupyogis challenge... Which led to the bird of paradise today... https://www.facebook.com/tarathetarabull?ref=tn_tnmn#!/photo.php?fbid=10100664148857427&set=a.10100131797803207.2274657.26601551&type=1&theater So there's a link since I can't upload the picture. Hmmf. Anyway, I got deeper into Jivamukti and also the Yoga Sutras. One inparticular stands out to me... "By cultivating attitudes of friendliness towards the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous and disregard toward the wicked, the mind-stuff retains its undisturbed calmness." This is exactly what I needed to hear... THe "disregard towards the wicked!" Instead of trying to change the wicked or suggest the wicked be a certain way, just disregard them. Why didn't I think of that in the first place. The wicked choose to be wicked and only they can make the choice to be otherwise... Suggesting they not be so wicked simply makes them more wicked. I like how Patanjali keeps referring to science and atoms and things of that nature... because I have always been drawn to science... especially nature and breaking things down to their simplest forms things like that. Yoga is a science and I see that more and more especially while reading Jivamukti last night... There is a part on cleanliness and how an unhealthy body can't meditate and describes all these detoxification practices some of which I don't believe I will be doing (enemas) but some of which if I do not due, my body becomes unhealthy or my outward appearance clouds my mind because I am not being the best I can be... simple cleansing, washing, teeth brushing. Also, the neti pot! No shit, neti pot in my yoga books... Nasal cleansing. Really, cleansing and detox and hydration are really very important things... its frickin science. Tyler read one of my Thich Nyat Hahn books... and I can tell he actually paid attention to it. I said something earlier and he said "I understand why you feel that way" which made me feel like maybe there's hope we will hop on this enlightenment train with me... Its a journey!

Follow your dream...

http://www.pachamama.com/pacha-mama-experience.asp So, a dream of mine for quite some time now has been to teach Yoga on the beach in Costa Rica. Ever since I went there I have had this burning desire to go back. The way of life there, the culture, Pura Vida, its just the most amazing place I have ever visited and I long to go back. I found this "hippie commune" a few years ago and have wanted to go so badly I constantly am looking at this website and its golrious pictures. I wish I had the means to go for a month or 6 months and maybe one day I will but I think it will be a hard sell for Tyler... They have retreats however, where you can go for a few days which would be such a wonderful experience. Its so easy to feel close to the earth there... There are so many things that are simply "untouched." To be able to meditate and practice yoga in Costa Rica is a dream that I am chasing! Hopefully after I get my certification I will be able to pay off some debts, earn some money, save some money, get deeper into my practice, perhaps attend some other retreats closer to home and this dream can become a reality. It seems all my dreams and hopes have always settled in the heart of yoga and meditation... Although I wasn't outwardly realizing it... I have come to see it to be true. It fills my heart with joy and understanding of my personal "human condition" on the search for peace and enlightenment. I am struggling however trying to get Tyler to realize these things... I read books about peace and meditation.. he reads Steven King. I do Yoga, he races go-karts. I meditate, he plays video games. I order vegan, he orders steak. And now I have this burning desire for him to follow in my footsteps which would require a huge change in himself, which I know he is not willing to do... Maybe perhaps it will be a gradual process, maybe it will never happen, I do not know but I know in order for things to work between us forever, something is going to have to change. I never wanted to be the kind of woman who wanted to change a man, but when I changed myself it has been such an eye opening experience I only hope he follows. I want him to be happy, but I want him to be happy in the same ways I have fount happiness and that is selfish... but it is selfless at the same time. I want him to be happy for what he has on the inside, not outward material objects... he outwardly enjoys violence and the adredeline rush of speed and to be honest, I find it sad because that is how the world thinks. I begged him to read some of my meditation books with no avail. He prefers books about violent subjects.. Fight Club and what not... where as I do not prefer to read fiction at all and I never have. I like real life... I like knowledge not fantasy. I do not mean to complain because he has been very supportive of my journey in a way I can't describe however I find it annoying when he stares at me while I'm practicing like I am putting on some sort of show for him which is not the case. I find it to be a hinderence and he doesn't understand that. I have been searching for guidance with this dilemma... and have found nothing. What do you do when the one you love is immersed in the "popular culture" while you are one of the few finding beauty under stones? I still have hope... and that's all I can cling to at the moment...

Morning Breath Yoga

Lynn is just a riot. I fell out of a pose because she had me giggling. lol Its my day off and I woke up at 6 am to head to morning breath yoga at 7:15. I really enjoy chit chatting with her she's so goofy I love it. I want her to mold me into the amazing calm person that she is… My planks are improving which I am very grateful for… I'm not longer shaking as much and have more balance and strength in my arms… I am still so weak but I am getting stronger! Pincha myurasana the dreaded forearm stand is becoming easier as well. With Ashlee's class yesterday and Lynn's advice today I might be off the wall soon! Its about 50 degrees and rainy and I wasn't incredibly stiff today… I was stiff, but not INCREDIBLY painfully stiff. So I am also grateful for that… I am making progress everyday that is for sure. So, it is Friday and I can't go to class again until Monday and I'm sad about that… so I'll really have to make sure to dedicate some time to my personal practice after work. Namaste. :-)