Grumpy Tara - the "vegetarian" crabby patty

Not sure what my problem is this evening but I feel awful. I am grumpy and irritable and quite frankly I feel like I suck and everyone hates me. Crappy crap shit fuck. I am grumpy. It is really stupid but I keep losing instagram followers and that upsets me because I am trying to share my love of yoga with the world and nobody gives a shit! Or maybe they don't want to follow me because I suck.. or I'm ugly or I am fat or I don't know but its a horrible feeling. I have all of the good mantras floating around in my being and I just cannot find balance in my head right now. I feel very alone in my journey... and I feel like I should have a flock of little yoga followers by now, and I don't. I know that none of this matters but these thoughts, they cross my mind that it drives me CRAZIER to know that I have these thoughts than the thought of the actual thought. Now how does that make any sense at all? My yoga practice has been lacking lately... not lacking in that I haven't been practicing, because I have been... everyday all day but I haven't had any crazy breakthroughs, anything impressive, nothing, nada, in a few weeks. I am not impressing myself at all... I wonder if Jesus had these thoughts when he was preaching gospels all over... "no one likes me, I haven't made a difference..." or do you think that he just knew, one day, he would make a difference? I mean, yeah he probably did, he was fricking Jesus. Obviously I know these thoughts are not very "yogi" of me, and if Patanjali knew that I had just finished reading the yoga sutras and here I am bloggin about my selfish want for instagram followers he would surely be disappointed, as am I, disappointed. One thing that I did accomplish was that I finished two of the three assigned readings for my yoga teacher tranining... Jivamukti and Yoga Sutras and now I am reading the Key Muscles of Yoga and I have a few books on deck as well that were suggested readings in the first two books I read... So, I guess that is something I should focus on. I put in 60 hours last week and with the money that I made I decided that I am finally going to get my creativity going on the etsy store... as I have said for the last decade. So, "The Taradactyl's Nest" is nearly open for business... Business cards are being made, beads have been ordered... definitely going to get started on some things this weekend. Yoga headbands, fabric flowers, jars, jewelry holders... I guess this isn't really yoga related, but it is life related and yoga is life... I like working here, but when I do get my certification it is going to be hard to even teach a class with these hours... I will never have the same day off every week, unless I can work something out with my boss. I don't even really want to think about that yet.. It will be at least July before I get certified and I doubt I will feel ready to teach by then... I can't even handstand! *sigh* I know I am doing the right thing, I know this is the path for me but I need a nap, I am tired and I am... a (vegetarian) crabby patty.